Surreal and Satisfying

You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction. – George Horace Lorimer

I did it.  In the last weeks before leaving this city and this singing scene, I sang in the Musical Merit Foundation auditions and ROCKED my repertoire.  There was something in those 15 minuets … an inspiring and freeing combination of light and space in that beautifully calm chapel, the gentle silence before the piano started, the sense that this moment was waiting for me to unleash all I had to say.  The thoughts flew from my head and I simply inhaled and let the breath flow (my teacher will be happy to hear that).

It was the easiest and most enjoyable singing experience I’ve had so far; there was no physical pressure in the sound production and no distracting mental dialogue prior to or during the set.  I really couldn’t tell you what I did technically because I don’t remember (which is driving the analytical and technique-obsessed side of my brain crazy), but it felt so smooth and each phrase felt so true – both in accuracy of notes and in expression of intent and meaning.  I remember the space being filled with sound and wanting to give more and more.

A year ago, after singing in this audition the first time and not making the final cut, a fiery determination descended upon me.  I was riled up.  I made an impassioned declaration to my teacher and accompanist (I was pretty worked up, and they probably saw a crazy look in my eyes) that I would show the Foundation what I was capable of.

With the organized frenzy of applications, auditions, and other competitions, I began learning repertoire for Musical Merit much later than originally hoped.  Six completely new pieces in less than two months.  Yes, there was a moment of sheer panic when I looked at a calendar and looked at all the music I had to prepare.  My boyfriend can attest to the frantic nature of my nerves as I practiced in the weeks leading up to the audition date.  I thank him for believing in me even when I wasn’t feeling confident, for walking with me from the parking lot to the check-in table, and for listening even though he’s heard this music a hundred times at home.

Sunday night was the awards concert, in which winners perform and receive their prizes.  My name was in the program.  I was there, on stage, alongside instrumentalists and vocalists who wowed me.  With less than two weeks before I move to San Francisco, I did it.

2 responses to “Surreal and Satisfying

  1. I realize this post is old news, but I just discovered your blog last night. Congratulations on the experience you had with this competition. It was so inspirational to read and I’m happy for you because of the moments of freedom you had – freedom FROM self-consciousness and freedom TO live, express and be and do what you were created to do. Thank you for the time you’ve taken to maintain your blog, which I’m sure is a help to you, but also a blessing for me.

    • Thanks, Christie! I’m singing in this competition again this year – in less than 2 weeks actually! Stay tuned – hopefully I’ll have another ecstatic post about the experience 🙂

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